Been thinking of joining a gym for sometime now, and there's a gym really close to my office. It's part of a chain of gyms around KL.
My friend and I decided to walk over there during lunch time to check out the facilities.
The following account is dramatized but it makes for entertaining reading. And it's not really that far from the truth actually.
Us: Hi! We would like to see the facilities in this gym as we are thinking of signing up.
Woman in uniform: (imagine German accent) Ah! Please vait van minute. Our Commandant vill be down shortly to zpeak to you.
We get ushered into a small dark room with only one lamp on the table. The Commandant enters the room. We are already seated and she remains standing.
Commandant: I zee that you vould like to join this gym. Before I take you on a tour round this place, I vill need some personal particulars from you. Vee vould just like to know you better.
Shoves a form at us.
Commandant: Now write!
We meekly fill up the form and make the mistake of leaving our real mobile numbers on there.
Commandant: Ah, thank you for filling up the form. Now, I vill just need to ask you a few more questions. You! (points at one of us) On a scale of 1 - 10, how important is health to you in your life?
X: Er....5?
Commandant: Five? Five??!!
X: *gulp* Er...maybe 6?
Commandant: Very vell, I vill put down 6. And vhy do you want to join the gym? (slowly turns the table lamp and shines it in our eyes)
X: Er...to lose weight?
Commandant: And how much veight vould you like to lose? How many kg?
X: Erm...5kg?
Commandant: Ah, let me put down 10kg then. Very goood. Vee are now ready for our tour. Guards! Escort zee 2 young men round zee compound.
Quick tour round the gym and vee..er, I mean, we are led back into the same dark room. We sit down on the chairs.
Commandant: You vill sign up with the gym right now. I vill get all the paperwork ready.
Both of us: We don't really want to sign up right now. Can't we have some time to think about it?
Commandant: (moves closer to us) Vhy vould you need any more time to think about zees?
2 guards suddenly appear from behind and stands behind our chairs.
Commandant: I am sure you vould like to join us right now. Vee can offer you a special first time visit offer. I vill be able to give you RM600 worth of vouchers free and also reduce zee signing on fee.
Both of us: (starting to sweat) Er....look, it's nearly the end of our lunch hour and we really need to go back. We will think about it.
Commandant: You can alvays come back after office hours today, at 7pm to sign up.
Both of us: (start to stand up) We really need to go. Thank you for your time though.
Commandant: Very well. Guards, see them out. And I hope to zee you again later.
We made our way back to the office. Later on in the day, at around 5 something, my friend comes up to me and asks if I had just received a call from the Commandant. She had called to try and convince him to go back and sign up for the membership.
I hadn't been called up yet and I promptly switched off my phone.
My friend and I decided to walk over there during lunch time to check out the facilities.
The following account is dramatized but it makes for entertaining reading. And it's not really that far from the truth actually.
Us: Hi! We would like to see the facilities in this gym as we are thinking of signing up.
Woman in uniform: (imagine German accent) Ah! Please vait van minute. Our Commandant vill be down shortly to zpeak to you.
We get ushered into a small dark room with only one lamp on the table. The Commandant enters the room. We are already seated and she remains standing.
Commandant: I zee that you vould like to join this gym. Before I take you on a tour round this place, I vill need some personal particulars from you. Vee vould just like to know you better.
Shoves a form at us.
Commandant: Now write!
We meekly fill up the form and make the mistake of leaving our real mobile numbers on there.
Commandant: Ah, thank you for filling up the form. Now, I vill just need to ask you a few more questions. You! (points at one of us) On a scale of 1 - 10, how important is health to you in your life?
X: Er....5?
Commandant: Five? Five??!!
X: *gulp* Er...maybe 6?
Commandant: Very vell, I vill put down 6. And vhy do you want to join the gym? (slowly turns the table lamp and shines it in our eyes)
X: Er...to lose weight?
Commandant: And how much veight vould you like to lose? How many kg?
X: Erm...5kg?
Commandant: Ah, let me put down 10kg then. Very goood. Vee are now ready for our tour. Guards! Escort zee 2 young men round zee compound.
Quick tour round the gym and vee..er, I mean, we are led back into the same dark room. We sit down on the chairs.
Commandant: You vill sign up with the gym right now. I vill get all the paperwork ready.
Both of us: We don't really want to sign up right now. Can't we have some time to think about it?
Commandant: (moves closer to us) Vhy vould you need any more time to think about zees?
2 guards suddenly appear from behind and stands behind our chairs.
Commandant: I am sure you vould like to join us right now. Vee can offer you a special first time visit offer. I vill be able to give you RM600 worth of vouchers free and also reduce zee signing on fee.
Both of us: (starting to sweat) Er....look, it's nearly the end of our lunch hour and we really need to go back. We will think about it.
Commandant: You can alvays come back after office hours today, at 7pm to sign up.
Both of us: (start to stand up) We really need to go. Thank you for your time though.
Commandant: Very well. Guards, see them out. And I hope to zee you again later.
We made our way back to the office. Later on in the day, at around 5 something, my friend comes up to me and asks if I had just received a call from the Commandant. She had called to try and convince him to go back and sign up for the membership.
I hadn't been called up yet and I promptly switched off my phone.
5 comments:
Militant Gym Instructors-cum-salesmen! Yes, they do they same thing in Singapore, but they try and wheedle at your sense of a good deal and insecurities a bit more.
Hold your ground Leesh! Don't give in easily!
It reminds me of that Friends episode where Chandler tries to get out of his gym membership:
Ross: One more time, "Hey, don't you want a washboard stomach and rock hard pecs?"
Chandler: No! I want a flabby gut and saggy man breasts!
*gasp* to think that I had to learn of your blog from ma, who had to hear about it from serene...
ja ja! zee commandant sounds vay vay vorse than ah pek at bt gombak!
Just to put it on the record, since a few friends have asked abt this. They didn't really have German accents.
Hey Yang! Hehe, my blog was kinda kept secret for a while. Looks like I might bump into the 'ahpek' at Bt Gombak when I am back in Singapore. Thinking of dropping by the gym.
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